Letting Go

It's November, the trees are bare, and the days are short. A good time for hibernation, "letting go" and waiting for miracles.
In my journal, I wrote down some words on the subject of "letting go". This means in no way to "give up", but rather to practice non-attachment to the things I cannot control.

Letting Go
Letting go of the past and the future. There is only "now".
Letting go of the need to be in control. I will never be in total control of everything that happens to me and around me.
Letting go of old habits and unhealthy beliefs. They no longer serve my health and well-being.
Letting go of perceptions and interpretations. They are not reality.
Letting go of the person I thought I was, and embracing the person I am becoming.
Letting go of the desire to know the outcome of my journey. This freedom enables the body to do its own healing.

On the physical side of things (which constitutes an important, albeit small portion of my entire being), I had been living in limbo for almost a month. As a result from an oral chemo treatment, one type of white blood cells in my body got knocked down way below normal levels, and couldn't recover, and therefore I could not resume the treatment. I have been trying to obtain word from our extended health insurance whether they would cover a (costly) injection drug that would boost production of those white blood cells. The answer is still pending. Thanks to another survivor who advised me to ask at the local hospital community care unit, and thanks to the compassion and understanding of their staff, I have now received my first injection and can move forward again.

By no means do I expect the medical treatment to be the "long-term cure", and, statistically, there is no guarantee for that (on the other hand, who knows anyways???) However, I acknowledge that it can be a catalyst to help my body rid itself of the deformed cells. The absolute final healing is up to the highest power I know of, and that is God. In a way this is a valuable lesson in humility. We are only human. We do not have all the answers. We are not all powerful. We are not in control of everything. However, this should not make us fearful or despairing. It opens us up to the possibility of GRACE.

I am ending with a quote by Richard Rohr, which aptly describes my situation.

"When we are nothing, we are in a fine position to receive everything from God."

- Richard Rohr, Everything Belongs