Wandering between Grievance and Gratitude

This month, I feel like I have been wandering between grievance and gratitude. However, gratitude prevails.

I am grateful for the wonderful things I experienced this year, especially being able to participate in the Simonton program in California (and meeting Dr. Carl Simonton), being able to visit my family in Germany while my body was feeling well (plus a wonderful week in Greece), the pilgrimage to Lake McArthur in September (despite major physical challenges), the acceptance into a spiritual program called Living from the Heart, which started with a five day retreat in October (a few weeks before the retreat I did not know whether I would be able to attend because of serious physical problems), and the small miracle of getting insurance coverage for the injection drug I needed to boost my white blood cells, which enabled me to resume the medical treatment.

I am extremely grateful for the support I have received from my coaches Erin and Alan, and from many others including doctors, therapists, family members and friends, and for the inspiring books that found me at the right time, (especially The Healing Journey by Dr. Carl Simonton and Reid Henson).

My grievances have been mainly about side effects from the treatment and other bodily challenges such as severe muscle pains and a sinus cold that has been clinging to me for over two weeks. At times, I felt as if my whole body was getting "unhinged". This meant I have not been able to pursue most of the activities I enjoy such as swimming, hiking, cross-country skiing, and singing in the community choir.

This year has been a fast-forward learning experience in emotional and spiritual growth, and most of these experiences cannot be put into words.

With hope, trust, and faith, I gently inch my way forward into the New Year.