A Sliver of Grace

Well, here I am in the Year 2009 and doing well. However, I did have a bumpy start to the New Year with a bad sinus cold over the holidays, followed by a three-day flu with fever. Patience isn't one of my virtues, but it's a good one to learn when you're feeling sick. When I was in recovery mode, I received Dr. Simonton's book The Healing Journey, which I had purchased from the Simonton Cancer Center. This book has been a Godsend. It is co-authored by Reid Henson, a long-term (35+ years!) cancer survivor. His insights and experiences, shared in the form of letters, have touched me deeply and inspired me to follow in his footsteps. Adopting the attitude of being a "student of life", transforming unhealthy beliefs into healthy beliefs, and, most important, connecting with God. This might sound strange, but I, like Reid Henson, have come to realize that human beings do not have a solution for my health problem, and therefore, I decided to appeal to the highest power there is -- God. My daily practice of meditation, prayer, and sitting in stillness, has helped me tremendously in dealing with the mental and emotional aspects of my health condition. Instead of anxiety and fear, I have encountered feelings of profound joy and peace. I have realized that for most people, when life goes smoothly, they do not seek God. Most of us are too busy with DOING, and don't seem to have the time or take the time for BEING, including stillness and meditation. However, based on my experience, these are some of the practices that can connect us with a higher power/God/spirit, and expand our lives. This doesn't mean I have found all the answers to questions about the meaning of life, God, death, religion etc. All I can say is that this practice has helped me to stay grounded while dealing with the challenge of cancer, and to experience joy and peace in the midst of adversity.

On the physical side of things, I kept fit with cross-country skiing and participating in an adult fitness swim program. In February, my sister Ulli and I went on a three-day backcountry ski trip, staying at historic Skoki Lodge in Banff National Park. Then, it was back to swimming, but I got another cold. Another lesson to be learned: explore and set your new physical boundaries.

Before the next diagnostic test, I took up a friend's offer to join her at a prayer meeting of her group. Although I didn't agree with some of the "religious" views of some of the group, I appreciated their sincerity when they prayed for me. They told me that I was "healed" and I decided to believe that. And here is the good news: On March 6 I had a meeting with the oncologist (this is oncologist #2 -- in January I decided to switch oncologists because the previous one had not been supportive) and learned that the ultrasound results showed that the liver lesion has slightly decreased in size. This is better than what I had hoped for. Others have tried to achieve a similar outcome with chemo and didn't get a response at all. I am grateful for all the support I have been given so far, through friends and family, supportive health care practitioners, books that came my way, workshops that I stumbled upon, meaningful conversations with strangers, and yes, prayer.

What I have learnt so far this year: life is much more than what most of us think it is. If we expand ourselves by going beyond our horizon, by stretching our beliefs, allowing our inner voice to surface, and by giving God/Spirit a chance to connect with us, we can reap immeasurably. Now, the key for me is to stay on my path, wandering along on this twisty-turny road, trusting that God will be my guide. The next adventure is already around the corner -- we will be participating in a program at the Simonton Cancer Center in Southern California. I can't wait!